Negative Coping Mechanisms: Do You Do Any of These?

Dorothy Neddermeyer said that “Life is 10 percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it”.

Unfortunately, in life, we constantly experience events that trigger uncomfortable feelings within such as worthlessness, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, or anger. Everyone responds differently to these “negative events” and how we respond to them is called coping.

As humans, we look for pleasure and avoid pain. We repeat the activities that provide positive feelings and we postpone uncomfortable feelings that are hard to deal with. However, negative coping mechanisms that we have may be pushing us further away from happiness and fulfillment.

How do we cope with emotions?

Some of the coping mechanisms that we adapt are the positive ones. They help us overcome, understand, and make sense of the event and its perceived results. On the other hand, positive coping mechanisms may require more self-understanding, awareness, and effort for the transition to everyday life.

There are also negative coping mechanisms that are destructive and can prolong the transition period. These can be damaging, unhealthy mechanisms that give temporary relief while they don’t create a positive outcome. Many people can unconsciously prefer these coping mechanisms over the positive ones because they mask the uncomfortable feelings and emotions temporarily. However, as many of you already know, avoiding a feeling doesn’t really bring a resolution to the problem.

A coping mechanism can be very similar to an addiction. Therefore, at times, some of your “addictions” may actually be coping mechanisms instead. Addictions can be present in a variety of ways. Some of them can be harmful such as alcohol addiction, smoking, drug abuse, or self-harm. Some others are disguised in less harmful ways such as eating junk food, watching TV, or even having sex. Most often, the person will not be able to recognize these habits by himself because these harmless daily acts are just simple habits in his eyes.

If you are unconsciously practicing a negative coping mechanism, it’s important to recognize and understand some of those behaviors. Start by questioning the patterns in your life: What do you do when you feel stressed or anxious? What comes to your mind when you think of relaxation? Do you think that you have some harmful habits in your life? If so, what is the feeling that you are getting after repeating this habit?

Here are a few examples of toxic coping mechanisms, that you may want to watch out for. Do you do any of these?

1-    Avoiding

Avoiding is a widely practiced strategy that is used to cope with emotions such as fear or sadness. Whether the situation is as serious as losing someone loved or as simple as retaking a failed test, avoidance is usually present when the person is not willing to face the issue and its consequences.

Some avoidance actions can be procrastinating, acting as if nothing happened, not showing up, or doing another action instead. Avoiding brings temporary relief and denial. The result is just postponing the emotion at a later date while the fear is strengthened.

Avoidance is usually present when the person is not willing to face the issue and its consequences.

2-    Isolating

Escaping and isolating from everyone may seem like a smart action plan to not be triggered by the same emotions. However, being around others and reconnecting give us more power by sharing and adapting to the social environment. Plus, isolating may result in repressing emotions of sadness, guilt, shame, or fear.

Some isolating actions are canceling plans last minute, telling friends that you already have plans, or acting sick.

3-    Blaming others

Blaming is a very subtle form of coping because, at times, you may really be the victim of the situation. However, if you constantly find yourself blaming others for your life problems, you may be using it as a coping mechanism.

Blaming is very toxic because it prevents the person from accepting their frailties therefore, limits the person to change and grow. This can be present during a break-up, job loss, or accidents.

4-    Drinking, smoking, or drug abuse

These 3 habits are the most commonly confused coping mechanisms with addiction. Since all drinking, smoking, and drug use tend to create chemical dependency, many people think they are “addicts” rather than recognizing that they may be using these for emotional coping.

For example, nowadays many people consider themselves alcoholics because they grab a glass of wine every night after work or they finish a bottle with friends at dinners.  These are not direct signs of alcoholism. According to alcohol.com, “Alcoholism is when one can no longer control their use of alcohol, compulsively abuse alcohol, despite its negative ramifications, and/or experience emotional distress when they are not drinking”. In other words, although alcohol addiction is very common, alcohol may be “helping” to cope with daily stress or current life situations.

5-    Eating

What can be wrong with eating, right? Not so fast. Binge eating or eating uncontrollably are amongst the most negative copings since they affect health, weight, and the person’s idea of self. Junk food eating provides a temporary relief with instant dopamine release. You may think that you are relaxing or “just eating chips” although you are just replacing junk food with uncomfortable feelings.

Signs of coping with eating can be eating uncontrollably, eating as a reward, or eating out of boredom.

6-    Watching excessive TV

Think of what we do when watching TV? We just focus on the story without having to think of life, problems, or consequences. Watching excessive TV goes hand in hand with avoidance and distraction.

So, how much TV is too much TV? According to a study, for every hour of watching TV, life expectancy reduces by 22 minutes. The majority of the news that we are exposed to is negative news.

There is a very fine line between watching your favorite shows or constantly finding something to watch.

7-    Nail biting

Nail-biting is a form of coping with emotions of nervousness or anxiety. Nail-biting gives a feeling of control and relief in nerve-wracking situations or when the person worries. It not only damages the person’s physical outlook but also affects the way the person sees himself. Therefore, in the long run, it may affect confidence or self-esteem negatively.

8-    Skin picking

Skin picking is another very common destructive habit and actually a disorder. Although there may be various reasons for skin picking, some people start picking on a scar, or a rash during times of stress. This brings temporary relief from stress and tension however it continues damaging the person physically and mentally when it turns into a. “habit”.

Can you change these behaviors?

Yikes, these behaviors and habits seem pretty destructive. So, what to do? Actually, one of the most effective ways to cope with your problems is facing the emotions and introducing healthy release techniques to your life. These can be anything from meditation to running, whatever gives you a sense of relief and calmness.

Additionally, in your daily life, try engaging in activities that give you joy and happiness. So rather than avoiding an uncomfortable feeling, you will be consciously practicing a positive one.

And finally, try hypnosis! Hypnotherapy is a very effective tool for behavior management and emotional release. During hypnosis, people learn to calm themselves and they have a better handle on their emotions!