4 Common Lies We Tell Ourselves
If anyone claims that they’ve never lied in their life, probably that’s the biggest lie they’ve ever told. Whether it’s a white lie or a life-changing lie, lying is unfortunately something all of us do at times. Sadly, it’s not only others we tell lies to; we also lie to ourselves on a regular basis.
Perhaps this helps us to escape certain realities that can hurt. Lies can seem to help us avoid certain situations we may be dreading. The problem with lying to self is that it’s often difficult to spot these sweet lies since we may be in denial.
Asking yourself these questions can help with increasing awareness about self-told lies;
- What are some areas in my life I may lie to myself?
- Where am I in denial?
- What are possible lies I may have told myself in the past?
Remember, lying to self and others is very common. Even though it’s a toxic trait, it’s adopted to help get through situations in one way or another. We all have different subjects we lie about, but there are some common grounds that can ring a bell for you as well! Here are the 5 common lies we tell ourselves:
1- Telling yourself everything is alright when it’s not
Sometimes cues are very obvious but it’s hard to accept that things are not going in the desired direction. If this happens to you a lot, you are just one of us!
Especially when in a romantic relationship, or with a lifelong friendship, it’s easier to deny the facts, emotions, and gut feelings. Alas, this denial is not enough to change the truth.
Saying to yourself that everything is alright, or everything will be okay does not solve any problems and actually leads to ignoring your emotions and gut feelings. There could be important underlying issues that need to be resolved such as betrayal, breach of boundaries, or miscommunication.
Lying to yourself that everything is alright will just make things worse and more complicated. Without addressing important issues that are triggering emotional responses within you, it’s inevitable to find yourself at a dead end.
Emotions like anger and hurt can go hand in hand.
2- Telling yourself you are mad when you are actually hurt
Not all emotions are created the same. Some of them are harder to face than others. Being hurt is definitely one of them!
Being hurt and angry can go hand in hand. Usually, behind anger, there is a primary emotion that is hiding. Shame, guilt, sadness, and insecurity are just a few examples of them. Humans can feel multiple emotions at once. Acknowledging these different emotions can be very helpful to resolve problems and enhance mood.
In comparison to the primary emotions, being angry can feel empowering at the moment. Ultimately, being hurt or sad can put us in a vulnerable and sensitive position.
Think about the last time you were mad at someone or something. What was really going on? Were you disappointed, sad, or hurt inside? Remember, you are a human, and just like all of us, you can feel multiple emotions at once!
3- Telling yourself you will be happy when what you dream of happens
One of the most common mistakes I see in my clients is that they put conditions on their own happiness. They say things like “I will be happy when…”. This is absolutely not true and it’s actually a way of denying your reality.
For years, a variety of institutions, individuals, and organizations studied happiness. They all found the same thing: Happiness is not the destination, it’s the journey. Items, positions, relationships, or materials don’t make us happy. What makes us happy or sad is our perspectives towards ourselves and our lives.
This means that if you feel unhappy now, most likely, you will still be unhappy even when your dreams come true. Because the reason why you are not happy is not about the dream life, it’s about you!
So don’t wait for a change, don’t wait for tomorrow. Pay attention to what aspects of your life you feel unsatisfied with. Work on understanding contributing reasons and most importantly, change your perspective and beliefs around yourself and your life!
4- Telling yourself it’s not the right time
I used to tell this lie to myself very often when I was facing challenges. I remember lying to myself very clearly once when I had to meet with someone important who would potentially do collaborative work with me. I was so nervous and anxious about reaching out to this person that I kept postponing the meeting for days and weeks. I kept telling myself it was not the right time because of holidays, vacations, and many other none sense reasons.
One day, when I least expected it, I realized that there is no right time. It’s now or never. I felt a punch in my gut but still went ahead and reached out to this person. I was very anxious but, in the end, it was all worth it. The meeting opened up lots of new doors for me.
The truth is, there is never a right time and never will be. Finding excuses to postpone an important action is a form of procrastination.
Focusing on the “right time” can push us away from important goals we set for ourselves. It can also create the illusion that we are actually trying or working on something when all we do is think but not take an action.
Takeaway
Lying to yourself is one of the worst forms of lies you can tell. Lying to yourself means denying facts that are probably limiting you and blocking your future. Becoming aware of your self-told lies can be liberating and empowering.