If you have an inner voice that sometimes says “Well that can happen to other people but I am not good enough/experienced enough/ confident enough for things like that”, you may be self-loathing.

Self-loathing is simply the subconscious belief that you are not good enough. In some cases, it may be normal to feel this way from time to time. However, if you are dealing with “I am not good enough” thoughts on a regular basis, you may be dealing with a full-fledged toxic subconscious belief.

Signs of Self-loathing 

When we are the ones who are engaged in toxic behavior, it becomes harder to spot the pattern. Especially in the case of the “I am not good enough” belief, it’s important to become aware of this self-sabotaging thinking pattern so you can change and rewire this limiting belief. Here are some signs that you may be self-loathing:

- Lack of self-esteem 

Self-esteem is the feeling that helps us believe in our internal resources and abilities to handle different situations we may encounter in life. Sometimes this may sound like “I’ve got this!” or “I will be able to deal with the consequences even if things don’t go my way”.

If you have low self-esteem, you may be doubting yourself often and you may tend to think that you wouldn’t be able to handle certain situations even though facts show that you probably can. This can also reflect the way you approve of yourself and how you think of yourself.

- Constant self-criticism

If you believe that you are not good enough, you are also probably criticizing yourself on a regular basis. You may be comparing yourself with others and get angry and frustrated with yourself about why you can’t while others can. Constant self-defeating thoughts and self-criticism can be a significant sign of self-loathing.

- Negative perspective toward self

When we believe that we are not good enough, we filter the outside world from that belief perspective. For example, if you believe that you are not good enough, the experiences that match your belief could be more apparent and memorable for you. Even though in your life you may have experiences that support your worth, those experiences will be pushed into the background and seem irrelevant.

- Hardly accepting positives about self

When self-loathing, any comment that goes against the belief of “I am not good enough” will be ignored. Therefore, it may be difficult for you to accept positive comments or compliments from others and even admit the positive aspects of yourself.

If you are finding explanations about why someone complimented you or if you cannot think of any positives about yourself, you may be self-loathing.

How to control “I am not good enough” thoughts?

What now?

If you recognize the disturbing reality of the subconscious “I am not good enough” belief, there are some thought pattern-breaking exercises that you can do. With some consistency and patience, these exercises can go a long way.

1-    Catch the thought and replace it

Although “I am not good enough” thoughts may seem very automatic and out of control, by simply becoming more aware of these thoughts, you can create a big change. On the contrary, oftentimes, we just let these thoughts flow and take charge.

Instead, pay attention to your negative thought patterns about yourself. Be curious and pay attention to when they arise the most. Do they appear more when you find yourself in new situations? Do they become louder when you are in a social setting?

Once you increase your awareness, realize how unrealistic these thoughts are. Many of the “I am not good enough” thoughts are engraved in our minds by someone as we were growing up. However, as an adult now, you know the reality of how much you can handle and what you can accomplish. Start replacing these negative thoughts with reality.

2-    Learn to accept yourself as you are 

If you are battling with “I am not good enough” thoughts constantly, you are probably rejecting yourself and who you really are. By rejecting certain parts of yourself, you are actually creating more internal conflicts that lead to more self-defeating thoughts.

Start by learning different aspects of yourself and accepting yourself as a whole. Just like everyone else, some parts of you will be very positive and easy to love but there are also going to be some parts that are rougher around the edges. It’s important to accept even the not-so-pleasant parts of yourself in order to grow and be in harmony with the self.

After all, anyone can love good things, but when you allow the negative sides of yourself as well, that’s when true love and acceptance happen!

3-    Compare yourself to yourself only!

Naturally, we tend to compare ourselves with others. This creates a very biased point of view because we only look at the admirable parts of the other people which can be very misleading and unrealistic. 

Whenever you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, replace that thought pattern with comparing yourself to yourself! Every day, we change and grow. We leave certain habits behind and take up different new perspectives. Compare yourself with the previous versions of yourself and recognize your growth!